My "lucky charms?"

I would really love to find the person that creates "spam" and tell them that if they think I enjoy receiving so many offers, they shall bless themselves as WELL with such tenderness and love. So far I've been recognized as:
-Male: and I must be the luckiest one ever because I get constant offers to "increase my size." I can't tell you how special this makes me feel.
-Someone who needs to be more attractive to ladies: Thanks for calling me ugly.
-Someone who has the option to "gain inches": Yes, I'd love to gain 100 pounds. Please sign me up, where do I start... (oh and I'm not male, spam-inator).
-Someone who's been "nominated" for a PhD: Imagine that! It's as easy as THAT! All that talk about years and years of college - BLASPHEMY!
-Someone who has another "soul mate" out there who has a "crush" on me: Um.. didn't you just get done telling me I was ugly?

The list goes on and on, however I'm afraid my page isn't long enough to include all my "riches" that await me in Junk Email. But thank you Spam-inator, Thank you. You've given me a new reason to live....